I finally got an apology. Things were great for a while. He’s pushed away again, and so have I.
This is truly a roller coaster ride. I have never been more confused in my life. But, I’m glad he’s gone again so I can focus on what I need to do. I need to move.
So I am back to where I was 3 months ago. This time I think we are in a better place to make decisions without emotional responses. It’s time to do what I meant to do a while ago. I’m nervous. Scared. Anxious. I can’t tell him the truth because I feel it will affect my twin flame journey negatively. This stuff is just way beyond me either and I’d have no idea what to say? Because yeah. It sounds crazy and I don’t even know what the fuck I’m doing. I just know I need to move. This relationship was over the minute I cancelled the wedding. It’s time to face the music now.
Don’t think there isn’t tremendous guilt. It is the fault of 3d programming. I know this journey is not just to get my rocks off. It is about so. much. more. It is a gift and responsibility from God. That’s where I stand. And even saying that makes me cringe a tiny bit inside because I sound like “those crazy bible humpers,” but I’m not. I’m far from it. I just know. There’s a difference between believing (having faith) and knowing. I have received too many signs not just recently but in my lifetime that are so alarmingly obvious I’d be stupid to deny it.
I don’t want to leave him. Nope. I do love him and I could make it work, but I know it will all be in vain. Because it is not what God (source, universe, higher self, etc.) is suggesting I do instead. A TF relationship is not about romance (it’s the icing on the cake if you’re lucky). It is a part of my spiritual development and a big part of my spiritual journey. 3D romantic relationships are based on fear (you have to do or have a, b, and c to receive my love for example) whereas TFs are unconditional love. The true love of God. And it’s not easy to learn how to unconditionally love yourself and others. But this is the love that the world needs. Because although we may not understand others intentions at times, we can still love them as we are all here to learn lessons and we could just be playing a big part in that ❤
Godspeed and wish me luck.